Volume 1, #35 May 6, 1997 POLITICS WITH BITE! CONTACT HELP previous BACK ISSUES next
A FORUM FOR ANTI-AUTHORITARIAN POLITICAL OPINION, RESEARCH AND HUMOR

American Newspeak

by Wayne Grytting

AMERICAN NEWSPEAK is hoarded at http://www.scn.org/news/newspeak/ Celebrating cutting edge advances in the exciting field of Doublespeak!

Children Studying Illegally

In Cleveland, Ohio, Judy Kincaid was sent to jail for five days for a crime that is mushrooming, illegal school registration. The inner city mother sent her five-year-old son to a kindergarten in the suburbs without authorization! Across the nation, inner city parents are resorting to subterfuge to escape overcrowded, under-funded city schools and enrolling their children in affluent suburban schools. To "protect" themselves, suburban districts have taken to hiring private investigators, offering bounties up to $500 for identifying out-of-district illegal students and passing legislation making the use of a false address a misdemeanor. Fortunately, this raising of barriers to youth from poorer neighborhoods is being done with the best of intentions. As Elizabeth Fineberg, Superintendent of Schools in Morrisburg, Ohio relates: "We're only staffed for the number of children we're supposed to have in the district. We don't want to have to give less to our children." Sadly, parents like Ms. Kincaid are unable to appreciate the need to sacrifice for the good of "our children." (NYT 4/20)

Tuskegee Deja Vu Again

In April, President Clinton apologized to the remaining survivors of the infamous Tuskeegee experiment that left Black sharecroppers untreated for syphilis. Not two weeks later came word of a larger medical study of AIDS that will result in the transmission of the disease to an estimated 1,000 babies in Africa. The study is an attempt to find a cheaper substitute for a drug called AZT, that has proven effective in blocking AIDS transmission from mothers to their newborn. But AZT treatment is considered too expensive for Third World countries. And what is "too expensive"? What is the current value of a human life? Try $400 to $800. Of course, low cost substitutes require proper scientific testing. But why placebos for thousands of participants? Simple, according to Timothy Dondero of the Center for Disease Control and UN researcher Joseph Saba. You need "unassailable proof" (thus the placebos) in order to "marshal international support and money" for the HIV treatment of millions of poor pregnant women. If you've ever applied for a grant you'll understand. Maybe the 1,000 babies could be used as poster children for the financial institutions requiring their sacrifice. (WP 4/23)

Balanced Environmentalism

Are you worried that our young are receiving an "unbalanced" view of the environment? Well so are state officials in Texas. Like many critics of environmental education, they are concerned about children being "scared green" by textbooks and the media. Conservative author Michael Sanera warns, "Children are getting slogans and dogma instead of being taught to think critically." To correct this problem the Texas Natural Resources Conservation Commission sponsored a conference for educators to help them present more balanced accounts of environmental problems. Invited to address them were experts from Exxon and the state's leading oil and chemical corporations. In fact, to make sure all viewpoints were heard, all of the state's major polluters were invited. And to insure that only objective information was presented, activist environmental groups were excluded. (WP 4/22)

Teen Smoking Going Up

Recent studies have shown a marked increase in teen smoking, a fact critics are quick to blame cigarette advertising. But according the NY Times, industry officials say these critics "grossly exaggerate the effect of their marketing." What, after all, is a mere $4.83 billion in ads going to accomplish? Fortunately, the tobacco industry has found another culprit. It turns out a major cause of increased teen smoking, according to them, is the anti-smoking campaign. This happens because teenagers are "naturally rebellious against efforts to stop them from smoking." Meanwhile, Andrew Schindler, president of R.J. Reynolds Tobacco, testified under oath that smoking can not kill. This good news was followed by a shocking revelation. Schindler revealed that smoking is no more addictive than coffee or carrots. "Carrot addiction?" asked an unbelieving attorney. "Yes," Schindler answered. "There was British research on carrots." Crisis hot lines are being opened up now for you carrot addicts. Call now. (AP 4/21, NYT 4/20)

AMERICAN NEWSPEAK is inflicted weekly. You can join the mailing list by sending the message "Newt can kiss my ..." to wgrytt@blarg.net



subscribe / donate / tiny print / guidelines for writers / help / index

© 1997 Eat the State! All rights reserved.