From AMERICAN NEWSPEAK at http://www.scn.org/news/newspeak/ Celebrating cutting edge advances beyond Orwell's 1984 Written by Wayne Grytting

Hangnails, Facelifts and Abortions

A 31-year-old woman arrested for robbery in Oregon has been denied the right to seek an abortion. Joni Ledbetter, who has a history of miscarriages and a disease that prevents blood clotting, was denied permission to leave the jail while she awaits trial. Unable to make bail, Ms. Ledbetter had enough to pay for the abortion, but Yamhill County officials refused to pay for the costs of an armed deputy to accompany her. County commissioner Robert Johnston sympathized with her but said it would be "unconscionable to compound her error with a greater one--killing an unborn child." A sincerely held, straight-forward position we all understand. But then in the next breath, Johnston uttered a further justification for denying the prisoner her rights. "I believe," he said, "an abortion is an elective procedure the same way any cosmetic surgery would be," which the county is not required to provide. Mr. Johnston was last seen compiling a list of other forms of killing to be redefined as "cosmetic surgery." (Reuters, 8/29)

The No Free Lunch Dept.

In Florida, a state court has ruled that jails may charge money for meals and medicine, thus allowing the Marion County jail to continue their innovative program of teaching economics to prisoners. This was an important victory for the county's program, because, said sheriff Ken Ergle, "We're not some backwoods, seat of the pants operation ." No, the Marion County approach had one very unique element of fairness that showcased its modernity. Prisoners in the 13,000 bed facility are allowed to pay for their meals whether they are guilty or not. The soft-hearted notion that prisoners being held for trial who are later found innocent shouldn't have to pay for their incarceration is easily dealt with by sheriff Ergle. "If you're in jail, he said, "it's because you went in the initial stages of due process and a judge found there was reason to hold you. Even if you were found innocent, you were still lawfully and legally detained." It's all done by the book. Just ask Ken Kesey's Nurse Ratchet. (Reuters, 8/29)

Uncle Bill's New Friends

There's good news for those of you who have lain awake worrying about whether President Bill will find happiness after his term expires. Our President has been making new friends. On top of the many bonds he has made in political circles, he has now made what the Wall Street Journal describes as "a remarkable circle of wealthy friends" who vacation with him regularly at Martha's Vineyard. The Journal says there has been a real "synergy to these relationships" with leading financiers and CEO's leading to a virtual "tycoon lovefest." This rebirth of Woodstock is a result, they say, of mutual admiration. The rich respect what Clinton has done for them, while our President "relishes the lifestyle these people lead," so much so that the President is described as "diligently networking for the next phase of his life." So instructive to learn that whoever you are, networking with those higher up the food chain remains important. (WSJ 8/28)

Governor of the Year

With Newt continuing to hog political headlines, it's difficult for our nation's hard working governors to receive their due. So we want to honor 1997's Governor of the Year, Alabama's beloved Fob James, Jr. Here's just a partial list of his accomplishments to date: (a) He threatened to call out the National Guard to defend the display of the Ten Commandments in courts. (b) He reintroduced chain gangs. (c) He wrote a 34-page letter to the Supreme Court explaining why the Bill of Rights does not apply to states. (d) He put his staff to work modeling the state government on the Waffle House restaurant chain. (e) He spent $3,000 of state money sending a book to explain creationism to biology teachers. (f) He advised teachers to give troublesome students "a pop on the fanny." (g) He told ministers the way to end violence: "A good butt-whipping and then a prayer is a wonderful remedy." George Wallace, even in his prime, never had a year like Fob James, Jr. (NYT 8/29)

Special thanks this week to Maarten Ultee. Newspeak is posted weekly and a mailing list is rumored to be available via wgrytt@blarg.net.