Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting

Best Advance in Free Market Logic

Medical education finally made it into the 20th century with the announcement of a program in New York to pay hospitals not to train doctors. Citing an oversupply of physicians, Medicare has begun a Graduate Medical Education Project that will pay participating hospitals up to $100,000 a year for each intern they do not train. The treatment of doctors on the model of corn production was not lost on the eagle eyes of our nation's medical community, most of whom responded by asking "How can I get in on it?" And why is an "oversupply" of doctors a bad thing? Because, said the NY Times in an answer that led three supply-side economists to commit suicide, it "drives up medical costs." (NYT 2/20)

The New Frontiers in PR Award

Republicans published a 17 page guide on how to put a "positive spin" on their new welfare laws. The guide for GOP congressional types explains to them in "layman's terms" how to hold "Oprah style" town meetings to push success stories about people getting off welfare. For no extra money, politicians can also learn how to pose at press events with a "disabled child who will continue to receive benefits." The architect of the brilliant "Member's Guide to Explaining the New Welfare Law to Constituents" is Rep. E. Clay Shaw (R-Fl). With over 135,000 disabled children slated to lose benefits, Rep. Shaw is concerned about the "doomsday people" in the press who have been giving the reforms a negative spin. He notes that the scare stories about people losing benefits are "discouraging to people trying to get off welfare." Whether that is as discouraging as the lack of jobs paying above poverty wages, he didn't say. (WP 3/14)

The R.J Reynolds Science Award

While Mississippi and some 20 states plunge ahead with lawsuits against the tobacco industry, Alabama has chosen to pursue a more prudent course. This decision came, according to the Opelika-Auburn News, after the Alabama attorney general discovered that "smoking-related health costs are not excessive because smokers die young." The Opelika-Auburn News says that "...there are studies that show taxpayers actually save money in costs for nursing homes, insurance, pensions, and Social Security benefits because smokers die earlier than non-smokers." So forget the horror of dying young. If a state government is concerned about costs to the taxpayers, it's their public duty to promote smoking. Alabama hasn't taken that step yet, but keep on the lookout for billboards declaring "Help Balance the Budget--Light Up." (O-AN 3/12)

Best Expose of Government Waste

Investigators for the Department of Health and Human Services have unearthed a grave waste of federal money--terminally ill people who are not dying in their allotted time. Each year, hospices care for nearly 400,000 dying people. Medicare provides hospice benefits for people certified by their doctors as having no more than six months to live, but thousands of people have lived longer than the six months granted them. DHHS is demanding the return of $83 million spent on people who've exceeded their allotted time. Said one elderly patient, "I just feel terrible because I am one of these people who cause the hospice problem. I would die if I could, but God just won't take me." Hospice director Mary Laback asks, "What do you do if people live too long?" To which the DHHS auditors reply that hospices shouldn't have "improperly spent $83 million caring for people..." Thank goodness for professional objectivity. (LAT 3/15)

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