Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting

"Organic" Gets a Face Lift

Hats off to the U.S. Agriculture Department for withstanding the attacks of wild-eyed extremists and stepping in to answer the question "What is organic food?" Thanks to their creative efforts, food that is irradiated, genetically engineered or raised on Municipal sewer sludge (American sewer sludge, I might add) can proudly bear the label "organically grown." Despite the presence of metals and toxic substances in our sludge, or what is more politely termed "biosolids," none other than the Environmental Protection Agency defended their inclusion because they are "more natural than commercially produced fertilizer." But it was in the fine print where our Agriculture Department really shined, eliminating a whole slew of extraneous labels that were just adding complications. These include the terms "produced without synthetic pesticides," "pesticide-free farm," "humanely-raised," "ecologically produced" and "no drugs or growth hormones used." Best to have just one label, don't you think? (WP 1/1, www.wshu/duesing)

There Be Joy in Mudville

If you are like me, whenever you hear a phrase like "Corporate executives are generally ecstatic," a small place in your heart begins to warm up. In this case, the cause for happiness is the fine work being done by the World Trade Organization in cutting down barriers to trade. The NY Times reports international agreements "on everything from drug testing procedures to food safety standards are driven largely by business interests most affected." But what are the remaining obstructions? Paula Stern, former Chair of the U.S. International Trade Commission, provided the answer in testimony to Congress. Ms. Stern pointed to "obstacles" like "strong grass-roots citizens organizations and their Congressional champions" who are both "retarding or even blocking regulatory reform." (NYT 1/9)

Status Upgrades

Chicago's educational channel, WTTW, has been fined by the FCC for airing some improper underwriter spots. Or to put that in the industry parlance, they were caught broadcasting "enhanced" underwriter credits. The 30 second quasi-ads even raised concerns with the editorial writers at Advertising Age, who in an editorial granted an equally "enhanced" status to public broadcasting. Listen to this: "Preserving distinctions between public TV and commercial TV is still important for public TV's future--both as an entertainment medium and as an advertising medium." At your local public station's next pledge drive, you might recommend they rewrite their charters to reflect their emergence as a important commercial vehicle. (AA 12/18)

McPrison Raises Its Standards

The Corrections Corporation of America has quietly emerged as the McDonald's of private prisons. CCA is now worth $3.5 billion, is among the top 5 performing stocks on the New York Stock Exchange and accounts for nearly half of the 77,000 prisoners who've been purchased for housing by private corporations. Much of this success is due to the philosophy of co-founder Thomas Beasley, who says in the prison business, "You just sell it like you were selling cars or real estate or hamburgers." This refreshing candor has of course invited criticism that private prisons cut too many corners and lower their standards to increase profits. Fortunately, a spokeswoman for CCA named Susan Hart has shown that the high standards of our penal system are being upheld, at least in their hiring practices for guards. In her words: "It would be inappropriate, for certain positions, (to hire) someone who said, 'Yes, I beat a prisoner to death.' That would be a red flag for us." But just for "certain positions"... (The Nation 1/5)

Special thanks this week to Dan Parry. Newspeak can be had as weekly junk mail by contacting wgrytt@blarg.net and telling us whether you have beaten any prisoners lately.