I shouldn't be surprised that the Downtown Source views its readers as far removed from the lumpen proletariat. But I couldn't help but be amazed by its current feature, "One week in the life of Seattle busses." No doubt as a service to Source readers, author Jennifer Deckman lists "Lessons I learned," such as, "Have exact change on hand. Drivers can't break a $20 or a (sic) even a $1." And, "If you'll need a transfer for a different bus, ask for one when you pay." Look for Deckman's upcoming guide book: Riding the Bus for Dummies.

One more thing. Deckman writes, "even though it takes me twice as long to commute, there's something powerful about being on a bus." That would be the smell of the unwashed masses. --Matt Asher

The criminalization of childhood continues. This month's Playboy (see, I really do get it for the articles) reports that in Colorado Springs, an elementary student was suspended for passing out lemon drops, a violation of the school's drug policies. And in Thornton, Colorado, a fifth grade girl was threatened with a suspension for sexual harassment after "she and a group of girlfriends repeatedly asked a classmate on the playground if he liked any of them." The kid did the right thing and notified a teacher. --Matt Asher

The City Neighborhood Council sent us a whole bunch of useful info last week accompanying release of a study that confirmed what we all knew: for years, the city of Seattle, while pouring megadollars into downtown friends' pockets, has woefully neglected basic road maintenance. Even in the brave new Schell era, the CNC says the city next year will allocate only 10% of the $22 million needed to keep pace with the city's disintegration. Last November, a ballot measure to allocate more money for road work failed after city leaders loaded it down with new Port of Seattle facilities and lotsa other corporate pork.

My favorite part of the material, though, is a nice multi-color map prepared by the city's "SEATRAN/Pavement Management" program, showing the status of city roads, with the following disclaimer: "THE CITY OF SEATTLE, 1997. All rights reserved. No guarantee of any sort implied, including accuracy, completeness, or fitness for use."

Some days, parody seems pointless.--Geov Parrish

People who have a clue about such things assure us that the new ETS! web site is fantabulous. Check it out: http://EatTheState.org. We've had several volunteer techheads--some of whom we've never even met--working selflessly over the last 18 months to reformat ETS! and get it out weekly to a global computer audience. Thanks!!

Wayne Grytting's American Newspeak will be back next week on an every-other-week schedule. Wayne, an avid skier, agreed to start writing again after a home visit from one of the last trees to see Michael Kennedy alive.