Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting

Designer Marxism

A new edition of the "Communist Manifesto" is out, described by Verso publisher Colin Robinson as "elegant enough to grace a coffee table." Marx and Engels have earned their place next to Sunset Magazine and Gentleman's Quarterly because of this year's trend towards "revolutionary chic." Thanks also to its red tinged pages and stylish red ribbon, both Border's and Barnes and Noble are featuring the book. Meanwhile, Barney's department store in New York was reportedly planning to feature the book, along with a selection of red lipsticks, in its windows as "conceptual art." Barney's creative director Simon Doonan says "It's OK to look at the book as camp." In this light he suggests the book could, if given an attached handle, "make a snazzy accessory to a designer dress." (AP 3/22)

A Dog's Best Friend

San Francisco is home to one of our nation's state of the art animal shelters, providing "home style" quarters for dogs and cats with Persian rugs, skylights, couches, tables and, of course, TV sets. It was only a matter of time before someone noticed the facilities were superior to those offered homeless humans. That individual was the local president of the S.P.C.A., Richard Avanzino, who brought forth a plan to provide lodging for the homeless right alongside the dogs. His rationale: "It would give our dogs a chance to know what it would be like to have an overnight roommate..." Not only could humans provide this valuable service, but they would get off the streets and gain a "dog buddy who will be their best friend overnight" (the 90's version of the one night stand). And yet another benefit, the shelter also provides toilet and obedience training... (NYT 3/22)

Ending Pollution

The state of Washington has found a way to stem the tide of dairy manure going into its rivers. Under Senate Bill 6161, the phrase "dairy manure" is to be deleted in state laws and replaced with the more positive "dairy nutrients." The Dairy Nutrient Management Bill defines "dairy nutrient" as "any organic waste produced by dairy cows or a dairy farm operation." Sheryl Hutchinson, a spokeswoman for the state's Department of Ecology says, "What they're trying to do is change dairymen's attitudes to view this dairy waste as a commodity." What Ms. Hutchinson did not explain was for whom chicken manure would suddenly become a nutrient. Despite the name change, I have no plans as of now to add it to my cereal. A footnote: the bill passed the state House by a vote of 97 to 1, with the lone dissenting vote coming from a former septic tank installer. (Seattle Times 3/9)

Name That Tune

In the 1950's it was called "payola" and it created a major scandal. But in the 1990's, making payments to record stations to play a song has earned a new name. This has evolved into the production of "infomercials" and it's all quite legal, as long as the station announces the song has been sponsored. For example, Flip/Interscope will be paying KUFO-FM $5,000 to play the song "Counterfeit" by Limp Bizkit over 150 times to its listeners. And Jacor Communications, owners of a chain of 194 stations, has announced it is considering similar "collaborations,"(a term borrowed, I believe, from the French Resistance of WW II). Radio consultant Tom Barnes is quoted as saying such payments act "as lubrication to get more artistically advanced music on the air." Thank goodness that's all they're used for. (NYT 3/31)

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