Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak/ Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the '90s Supposedly written by Wayne Grytting

New Paradigms

It was only a matter of time before the strike at General Motors generated some world class Newspeak. G.M. finally had their moment in the sun when answering charges that according to their own figures, they have been cutting back on investments in the U.S. while building new plants in Argentina, Brazil, Poland, and China. G.M. spokesman Gerald Holmes rose to the occasion by explaining how misleading those figures were. Why? "The level of investment is not important," he argued, "because G.M. has been working to make its investments more efficient...It's not indicative that we're doing less--we're doing more with less." Upon hearing this, Union officials were heard uttering a collective "Du-uh, why didn't we think of that?" Mr. Holmes did not say if General Motors would seek similar investment efficiencies abroad. (NYT 6/23/98)

Science For Sale

Vital scientific research at colleges and universities is being made possible thanks to the largesse of major corporations. For example, the University of Maine's Lobster Institute, funded by the seafood industry, recently published a study showing that lobsters really don't suffer when boiled alive. And the Credit Research Center at Georgetown University, funded by 70 companies in the credit industry, has produced a wonderful study showing just how debtors have been using Chapter 7 bankruptcy laws to escape paying their credit card debts. This latter study was particularly timely because, by a marvelous coincidence, Congress was considering legislation to eliminate such Chapter 7 bankruptcies. But can funding sources influence the results of scholarly studies? The Dean of Georgetown's business school, Kasra Ferdows, points out this study "meets our general rules " for good research. Moreover, since the CRC was funded by approximately 70 companies, the Dean took "some comfort" in the fact that no one corporate interest would predominate. Sounds like a new definition for democracy. (WP 6/19/98)

Early Warning Signs

Borders bookstore chain has been bothered of late by union activity. As a result, Anne Kubek of their Human Resources Dept. prepared a manual on "Union Awareness Training for Borders Managers." As a public service, someone has been kind enough to post the whole text on the internet . Of particular value is a section entitled "Recognizing the Early Signs of Union Activity," a concern we all share. Here are a few of the warning signals:

"Employees gather in small groups of twos and threes and immediately halt their conversations when managers approach."
"Employees start gathering to talk in areas that are off the beaten path."
"Employees who are not normally seen talking to one another begin associating more regularly. Strange alliances begin to form."
"New vocabulary may creep into employees conversations. Union terms such as seniority, grievance, bumping, job security, job posting, etc. may appear in conversations."
"Managers start getting an inordinate amount of critical and probing questions concerning policies and/or benefits. "

Seeing the Light

Congratulations to Washington State Senator Patty Murray (Dem.) for winning this year's U.S. Chamber of Commerce "Spirit of Enterprise" Award. Senator Murray won this prestigious honor because of the overall improvement in her voting record from 14% support of Chamber of Commerce concerns in 1993, her first year in office, to a 70% business friendly voting record last year. Sen. Murray has worked hard pushing NAFTA and supporting bills to reduce shareholder rights and to ease pesky restrictions by the Food and Drug Administration. As a result, her PAC donations from corporations has risen from 16% to 52% of her investment portfolio. But has this been a mere election year conversion? Sen. Murray answers "No." Instead, she is summarized as saying, it's because "Congress and the business community are emphasizing the economic issues she has long embraced: international trade." Thank heavens that Boeing finally came around on the trade issue. (Seattle Times 7/7/98)