ETS! encourages comments, feedback, tips, corrections, and info! Please keep them as concise as possible so we can print as many different voices as possible: ETS!, P.O. Box 85541, Seattle WA 98145, or e-mail ets@scn.org.

Making Lemonade

Dear ETS!,

I think we can make the best of I-200 and the new, more Democratic legislature.

Since Mr. Carlson and his followers have spoken against unfair treatment, and they tend to describe themselves as law-and-order types, let's invite them to work with us as we demand rigorous enforcement of the anti-discrimination laws! They certainly won't object to our suggestion that some of the state budget surplus go for tough enforcement of the laws, now, will they?

While we're at it, if the state House goes Democratic, Rep. Frank Chopp will likely become Speaker. [He became co-Speaker--ed.] At our last 43rd District meeting, he mentioned how the budget for primary education has suffered. Now's the time to replace those funds with programs which expand educational opportunities for children of the poor. Since color, culture, and race can not receive "special benefits," let's give additional help to those in poverty. (Who just so happen to be disproportionally of those groups we tried to help with affirmitive action.)

I realize this emphasis on enforcement/education won't impress those who favor more aggressive efforts to end racism and poverty, but at least these ideas (may) represent a politically-salable program we can demand now, and stay within the strictures of I-200 (even though I don't want to, really).

Just A Thought,

--Tensor, Seattle

Greetings from New Jersey

To ETS!:

Happy Thanksgiving from the Garden State. This is where I grew up. Somewhere between Princeton and Trenton in the midst of suburban sprawl. Well, after many years of being away I thought I'd return to see the folks, visit friends and return to the malls of my youth. I have to say I'm depressed--I'm also worried about how Seattle will look in ten years if we don't turn back now.

My family moved from Philadelphia into one of the first subdivisions around here back in 1969. Back then you could wander in the nearby woods, drive past miles and miles of farmland and play football in the streets. I'm sad to say, it's not a very pretty picture today. On one of my last visits here I had noticed lots of development, thousands of townhouses and subdivisions, strip-malls and supermalls. I thought then that eventually it would just die out and the development push would subside. I never imagined that the last natural settings near my childhood home would be paved over and that tens of thousands of people would move in. I guess they're attracted to the proximity of New York and Philadelphia, the "safety" of the suburbs or the corporate campuses which line nearby route 1. Maybe they just want to meet my Mom?? I mean she does bake a mean pumpkin pie.

Anyway, I'm depressed and want to write back to those of you in Seattle to support Buy Nothing Day, fight the development, fight the sprawl and be diligent cause the same shit that's happening here is coming our way. I tend to think that people are more involved in their communities in Seattle, that people are wiser and more progressive, but perhaps I'm fooling myself. Let's all show them that not every place on earth is ready to be paved over, peopled over.

--Albert Kaufman, from the frontlines of New Jersey

The Bitch Strikes Again

Dear ETS!,

I can finally tell Seattle is a world-class city...'cause it's chock full of assholes. Take, for example, this stuff that happened to me:

It's Nov. 24th, the day before Thanksgiving. It's pouring down rain, and I'm trying to cross Pike Street to get to the grocery store. Even though I'm standing in the crosswalk, nobody stops for me. In fact, a twenty-something guy in his little pickup truck tries to pull out of his parking space and run me over. He stops just in time, with his bumper up against my knee, sticks his head out the window, and yells, "Hey! Get out of the way!" Suddenly I remember the vow I made on my birthday to get rid of my bitchy reputation. Instead of screaming: "I'm standing here in the pouring rain, dammit, and you're in your warm, dry, gas-guzzling, greenhouse-gas-spewing, 12-mile-per-gallon pickup made by some defense contractor, so just shut up and wait your turn!" I take a deep breath and say, calmly: "No. This is a crosswalk." Then I ignore his honking, wait for two more cars to pass, and cross the street.

But the encounter pisses me off, so instead of having a nice, PC, vegan salad for lunch, I go straight to Burger King and order chicken tenders, which now come in the shape of little alien beings (I think it's some kind of tie-in to the Rugrats movie). I enjoy biting their heads off, even though I know I'll get a stomach ache later on.

Then it's over to the grocery store, where I grab a hand-held basket and collect my groceries. Standing in line for the checkout, a woman with a huge cart full of canned cranberries and olives tries to cut in front of me. Instead of saying: "Hey, lady! Do you see me standing here right in front of you?" I say: "Oh, excuse me, I thought this was the line." She does a double take, pulls her cart back, mumbles something completely unintelligible, and lets me put my basket up on the checkout stand.

Even the checkout clerk is having a bad day. He slams my red bell peppers onto the scale like they're coconuts or something. Instead of saying: "Watch it! I'm paying an arm and a leg for those goddamn things. Don't beat them to a pulp!" I say: "Oh, those crush really easily, could you put them on top, please?" He ignores me and slams the orange bell peppers on the scale, too.

On my way home from the grocery store, I try to cross Pike Street again. I'm wearing a heavy backpack and carrying two full bags of groceries in the pouring rain, but again nobody stops for me. I finally start to cross when the closest car is only a block and a half away--but, of course, he's speeding. Instead of slowing down for me, he honks and speeds up, veering past in a woosh of dirty rainwater, which dowses me from head to toe. My only consolation is the horrified look on his female passenger's face. I imagine her turning to him and saying: "Steve, I've been thinking about this for a really long time, and I've finally decided to leave your sorry ass."

I make it home safely, only to find a notice from my landlord taped to my door. The Corporation has decided to start charging everyone in the building for water usage, but has decided not to install separate water meters for each apartment, because it's too cost prohibitive. The letter says to sign the enclosed agreement and put it in the mail slot for the building manager. Ha ha, very funny. I write a note. Instead of writing: "There are already four vacant apartments in this tiny shithole, and you want to increase our rent again? Some assholes never learn!" I write: "Here's your agreement. Happy Thanksgiving!" Then I light a match, burn the agreement, collect the ashes, put them in the envelope with the note, seal it up, and deposit it in the building manager's mail slot.

Now I have something to say to all of you, too. Instead of writing: "You ETS! people get on my nerves! All you do is whine, whine, whine! Get a life!" I'm going to say: "At least you make me laugh--not like those lame assholes at The Stranger." Print that, dammit.

Sincerely,

Cranky Prole Bitch, Seattle

A Letter The New York Times Didn't Print

Editor:

In your story abut ordinary people convicted of perjury (11/17/1998), you cite lawyers and scholars who characterize as "epidemic" the problem of lying under oath. You illustrate the story with many examples of people who lied either to avoid punishment or to prevail in civil suits. You do not mention a type of perjury that many attorneys also agree is rampant, and in fact it's so common it has a name: "testilying." I am referring to the practice of police perjury. This practice is arguably more serious than that of perjury by criminal defendants because juries are more likely to believe the testimony of police officers than that of defendants, and our justice system is supposed to be biased in favor of the defendant--first year law students learn that it's better for ten guilty men to go free than for one person to be falsely convicted.

"Testilying" is common practice in your own city. The 1994 Mayor's Commission report concluded that "Perjury is the most widespread form of police wrongdoing." In Boston, an investigation revealed that drug control officers frequently fabricated informants and lied in front of judges to obtain warrants. In Los Angeles, frequent cases of police perjury were uncovered, including at least one where police doctored a tape of an interrogation, making an innocent defendant sound guilty. A federal investigation in Philadelphia found a widespread pattern of police lying and at least sixty convictions were reversed as a result. This practice has been exposed again and again all over the country in recent years.

Unfortunately, it seems that prosecution of police perjury is even less common than prosecution of perjury by criminal defendants. This is a sad state of affairs, because "testilying" represents the much larger threat to our civil liberties.

--Dan Tenenbaum, Seattle

Buy Nothing Day

[ed. note: on October 16, longtime Seattle activist Irv Pollack passed away due to heart failure. His estate, of course, notified his accounts. On October 30, Amalgamated Bank of Chicago sent, in two separate envelopes, two identical copies of the following letter.]

Dear I H Pollack,

As you requested, we have closed your MasterCard Account with our bank. Please be assured that we will miss doing business with you. If in the future you have a change of heart and wish to reopen your relationship please do not hesitate to contact us and reference this account...

Sincerely, Amalgamated Bank Credit Card Services, Chicago