Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting #105

Nuclear Power Gets Clean

Ads touting the virtues of nuclear power have been showing up in some of our finer magazines (like the New Republic). Many of you may know already that nuclear reactors are "consistently safe," "proven economical" and "reliable." But those of you who can't spell "Cherynoble" may not be aware of how "environmentally clean" nuclear fission is. Why is it so clean? Because, as the full page color ad informs us, "Nuclear power plants don't burn anything to produce electricity, so they don't pollute the air." But there's more. Nuclear power plants produce "no greenhouse gas emissions, so they help protect the environment." Therefore they are environmentally clean, thanks to the fact that nuclear radiation has ceased to count as a form of pollution. This news should relieve the minds of Hanford residents after recent reports of radiated ants and tumbleweed in their backyards. (NR 11/30/98)

Modern Day Trust Busters

A new champion has appeared to carry on the fight against monopoly control. None other than Ma Bell has taken the field against corporate mergers. AT&T has been funding "grass roots" organizations (while modestly not mentioning itself) opposed to the $56 billion merger of SBC Communications of San Antonio and Ameritech of Chicago. Recently AT&T executive James Cicconi revealed the conglomerate's dream of the future. "AT&T's vision is one of more competition and more consumer choice at every level with open competition at the local level that doesn't now exist." Mr. Cicconi's words were punctuated by news that AT&T was pursuing a $32 billion acquisition of TCI's cable network. More competition...ahem. (WSJ 12/21/98)

The Tree Hugging Dept.

A new environmental organization has moved to the forefront of groups trying to educate the public about global warming. While most groups stay fixated on negative consequences like flooding and disease, The Greening Earth Society has chosen to focus attention on the "positive aspects of a rising level of carbon dioxide" in the belief that "nature is growing stronger, bigger, greener, and more resilient as a result of what we humans are doing to promote our own growth." The GES has special access to all the latest information because it shares offices and officers with the Western Fuel Association (and who should know more about global warming than coal producers?). The Greening Earth Society arguably has one of the better environmental mottoes: "humankind is a part of nature, rather than apart from nature." That's why they understand that using fossil fuels is "as natural as breathing." (That is, if you still can breathe.) (www.greeningearthsociety.org)

Raiding the Cookie Jar Dept.

There are some new candidates in the race for Best Rationalization for the $8.2 billion awarded to lawyers in the tobacco settlement. One of my personal favorites is by John Calhoun Wells, chair of the arbitration panel that determined the fees, who noted that without the lawyers "there would be no multi-billion settlement for the states..." I mean imagine the embarrassment to the states if no lawyers had shown up because, say, only a billion had been offered. Attorney Joseph Rice, whose firm earned a cool $1 billion for two years work, asks "Why should the lawyers who carried the burden and led the fight not be paid like a chief executive officer of a corporation?" And we all know how fair their compensation is. Then there is the elegant simplicity of Florida attorney Robert Kerrigan's answer after being awarded $200 million for his work: "It sounds fair to me." I'm sure it does. (AP 12/12/98, NYT 12/22/98)

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