Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting

Is Microsoft Slipping?

At the Microsoft antitrust trial, a rather interesting memo from His Highness was read. "It would help me immensely," Gates wrote to his staff, "to have a survey showing that 90% of developers believe that putting a browser into (Windows) makes sense." A second memo from executive Nathan Myrvold even explained how to manipulate the phrasing so the survey results would "reach Gates' objectives." The result: a survey that found a measly 83% (not the 90% Bill wanted) who felt it would benefit consumers. Despite missing the target, Gates went on to use the figure in testimony before the Senate, as did a dean from MIT, Richard Schmalense, at the antitrust trial. In fact, when informed of the memos, the MIT dean said he still would have cited the figures anyway, but with "an explanatory phrase." Now that's a true scholar. (WSJ 1/15/99, NYT 1/15/99)

"Making the World Safer for Democracy"

Intel, producer of about 85% of all computer chips, announced its new Pentium III chip will automatically identify consumers' computers on the Internet. This feature is designed to allow companies to restrict the downloads of movies or songs to one computer. The chip will transmit a unique serial number to verify the identity of a user, unless it is turned off, although the feature automatically turns itself back on when the computer is restarted (thus saving consumers the trouble). Intel spokesman Chuck Mulloy answered critics who fear an intrusion by Big Brother by saying, "We're enabling a more secure environment." I know I feel more secure knowing concerned corporations can track my identity. Mr. Mulloy adds that the Pentium III's identification number is just "a single piece in an overall security umbrella." Sometimes it helps to see the big picture. (AP 1/24/99, NYT 1/30/99)

Microsoft Strikes Again

Microsoft has now entered the fold of those trying to improve the clarity of our language. Recently they discovered that the term "browser" was unclear in people's minds. At the recent trial over whether Windows and Internet Explorer are separate products, executive Paul Maritz admitted that "In preparation for this trial," Microsoft had replaced the word "browser" in all its literature with the phrase "Internet technologies." Now that is much clearer. And why drop the term "browser?" "We were concerned," said Maritz, "that 'browser' might be misconstrued and taken out of context." I know those big words always mixed me up. But not only is the word "browser" confusing, so is the word "market." When the government prosecutor asked whether he tracked browser market share, Maritz gave a now classic answer: "We did. But that doesn't imply there was what we considered a market there." Seventeen philosophers reportedly had heart attacks upon hearing this. (WSJ 1/27/99)

Catch-22 Revisited

Two lawsuits have been filed in U.S. federal courts on behalf of 50,000 garment workers in the U.S.-protected Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands. The suits charge U.S. retailers with having a "racketeering conspiracy" to force workers largely from mainland China to accept intolerable sweatshop conditions. Named in the suits are firms such as The Gap, Tommy Hilfiger, Sears, Wal-Mart and Oshkosh B'gosh. But one corporation in this group stands above the rest because of the effort they have made to defend workers' rights. The Gap, reports the Washington Post, placed a poster in all the factories it subcontracted work to, with a clearly worded "code of conduct" itemizing the rights of employees. Unfortunately the posted document was written in English and could not be read by the Chinese workers. Let me just add, this was not The Gap's fault and those workers can just damn well learn to read English. (WP 1/14/99)