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The Reptile House
by Geov Parrish
Summer's finally here! And, as anyone who's lived in a desert knows, when
it gets warmer, reptiles get more active. With the warm temperatures, fluid
starts circulating through their cold-blooded brains, they become more
alert, more alive, more prone to doing reptile-like things.
Slade Gorton sure has been busy lately.
Maybe it's just boredom, or that we somehow take Slade for granted. We see
him sunning himself out on the riverbank and think, sure, he's dangerous,
he'll eat a small child every now and then, but we like him. It's part of
the local color. But it sure is amazing how much Gorton gets away with,
with nary a whimper from what passes for opposition in Washington state.
Let's review.
Slade's been on a tear lately, and what Gorton tear would be complete
without some gratuitous Indian-bashing? Gorton's contempt for Native
America is so ingrained that this time he found himself in the unlikely
role of enviro whale-lover. The point, of course, was not that Slade loves
or even cares about whales (or enviros); it was another chance to fan the
flames of anti-Indian racism--the pan-Indian name calling and death threats
that not just the Makahs but all Natives have had to endure in recent
weeks. Gorton is the patron saint of the nimrods who hate Indians just
because. Gorton's 30-year jihad against Native America would, transferred
to another race and another part of the country, correctly be viewed with
abject shame; here, racism is just another of Slade's policy preferences.
Defending the whales, of course, doesn't mean Gorton has taken a liking to
other water creatures. Take salmon, for instance. If it were Native fishing
rights that were killing salmon, Gorton would be all over it. But instead,
the experts agree, the problem is the Columbia River system's excess of
fish-killing dams, and the clearcutting that silts up the streams of the
Northwest. Gorton has taken more money from the timber industry over the
past six years than any other member of Congress; he has not so quietly let
it be known that any of those dams--which provide cheap electricity to
agribusiness and to aluminum smelters--will be removed only over his dead
body. The whales had better be careful who they're making friends with.
Gorton, in fact, is extremely loyal to his friends, which are almost
exclusively among the Fortune 500. Again, he's been busy outdoing himself
lately, with a rider to the Kosovo spending bill that overturned a court
decision and salvaged a massive Okanogan gold mine for a Houston-based
mining company. Note that Gorton went to bat not for the residents of his
state--the ones who had been fighting a frightfully destructive mine for
eight long years--but for the out-of-state corporation that will
undoubtedly richly reward him in time for next year's re-election campaign.
This is Gorton's pattern: screw the voters, help the wealthy, take a cut of
the proceeds, and use that loot to convince voters he's our guy. It is a
naked exercise of power, and Gorton is very good at it.
Gorton has the power in Congress--and especially with some seniority in the
Senate--to not simply bend the rules but to rewrite them as he goes along.
In May, Gorton convened a Senate Immigration panel for the apparent purpose
of lambasting the INS for enforcing the law too well. Now, there are
a lot of things not to like about the INS--lack of respect for due process
and human rights, for starters--but that wasn't what was on Slade's
reptilian mind. No, the problem is that for Slade's agribusiness buddies,
La Migra's unexpected effectiveness is causing an unstable labor force,
labor shortages, and, well, legal American workers tend to demand more
money and complain more. So Slade, in the Senate, spoke up for the hard
working "displaced workers and their families."
Mind you, he's not lifting a finger for the internal displacement fruit
pickers face this season with completely inadequate housing facilities (due
to a squabble between state and federal regulators). No, Gorton's concern
is strictly for the owning class. This is Gorton's universe: laws are to be
used to enrich friends. The enforcement of laws that cost his friends money
is a bad thing. Usually that means trying to gut, say, environmental
regulations or wheat embargoes. Only Gorton could get away with nakedly
complaining that cops are doing their jobs.
Lastly, Gorton has been curiously silent as taxpayers prepare to get
screwed once again by the Mariners. Every other politician under the sun,
of course, has been distancing themselves as quickly and thoroughly as
possible from the team's unmitigated gall. Don't forget that John Ellis
doesn't shed a carefully calculated tear without checking with Slade first.
For years, Gorton has been the force behind the baseball scenes, brokering
a deal that enabled the team to build a stadium when those annoying voters
said no. Now, the Mariners have $100 million in extra costs because they
pushed hard to open the park this summer instead of next spring--a move
worth, at most, a few million in extra revenue. It seems a safe bet that
the Mariners figured all along they could pocket the revenue and squeeze
the PFD and County Council for the inevitable overspending. If you're a
business intent on extracting the absolute maximum in public funding, it
helps to have Slade on your side. The next time you see the new Taj
Maball--the most expensive sports stadium in the history of the
world--dominating the Seattle skyline despite the voters, remember Slade
Gorton.
Why is Gorton not held accountable for these shenanigans? We expect Slade
to be Slade--reptiles are, after all, reptiles--but how does he get away
with it? He looks well-positioned to win another term next year, thanks in
no small part to the disarray of Democratic opposition and the equally
horrifying idea of electing a second Patty Murray. (If Slade is reptilian,
then Murray, the Zero in Tennis Shoes, is a bird--warm-blooded, eats a lot,
lots of apparently aimless activity, and can't figure out why that friendly
Gorton creature keeps eating her eggs.) The only possibility of dislodging
Gorton next year is if, somehow, some way, Washingtonians get shaken out of
their stupor regarding who Gorton is working for (corporate America), who
he is working against (us), and the embarrassing boldness with which he
operates. He is our state's Jesse Helms, and he has got to go, before he
eats still more kids.
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