Joining the growing chorus of repudiatory backlash, several prominent Green Party activists have spoken vitriolically against Ralph Nader. Accusing him of "handing the election to Bush," they are also mad at him for, in the words of one fed up vegan, "attenuating the marginalization of the Greens." Says he, "Ralph laughed when we wanted to make vegetarianism one of the campaign platforms. He said nobody would vote for us,' if we did that. So we didn't, and people voted Green, and now look what happened! It was better when nobody paid attention to us."

Witch's Hair, a young forest activist organizing around endangered lichen and moss issues, points to her own disenchantment with Nader. "I had been living in various trees in Oregon for the last several years. I'd never even voted before. I got excited about Nader's campaign and registered and voted Green. I found out later that my vote for Nader was really a vote for Bush. What a liar."

The Archaeo-Cynicalist Green Faction Collective have taken a more militant stance. Refusing to have anything to do with Nader and his "neo-reformist, uber-sincerity," they have vowed to cease using seat belts and respecting emissions standards. "Seatbelts and emissions standards just validate cars." Said one horizontally empowered spokescouncil insider. "By refusing to be co-opted by these so called laws, we are radically exposing the fundamental lethality of the system."

The Nader Action Group (NAG), meanwhile, is gearing up for RN2K+1, bringing puppets and other garishly festooned malcontents together in a human blockade against Ralph Nader, wherever he happens to be. "If he gets close enough, I'll chain myself to him," said one naked activist, busily constructing a potential firebomb out of flower petals and recycled paper. His pierced, tattooed and trust fund endowed companion, washing her hands in water that could be used to extract explosive hydrogen gas, added, "If any of us are arrested, we're giving the name, Public Citizen."

This outcry from their prodigal stepchildren has won a measure of approval from Democratic Party functionaries. Al Gore, said, "As I pointed out in my since graciously conceded campaign, Ralph Nader exhales carbon dioxide which contributes significantly to global warming. The US could be closer to achieving the emission levels we rejected in the Kyoto Protocols if Nader would just quit breathing."

One ardently sensible liberal added. "Nader stole our platform. We want to return the power to the people too. We just have to be sensible about it so the corporations don't cut off our funding. That just gives our power to the Republicans and their corporate backers."

"Nader's got no backbone," said one Democratic Senator who consented to speak off the record. "I had to finally stand up to the Republicans and vote to confirm all of Bush's cabinet appointees so as not to undercut Gore's graciousness. What I want to know is, where was Ralph?"

Nobody knows where Ralph is, but a blurry photo leaked by a Democratic member of the Senate Intelligence Committee shows Mr. Nader apparently consulting with North Korean scientists on the consumer safety of their mushrooming missile program.

Hillary Clinton has reportedly told friends she is thinking about getting a restraining order against Nader, after comments she made about wanting Nader dead were made public. She allegedly said she "doesn't know what he might do," after hearing her ominous statements against him.

Bill Clinton, in his own defense said, "Geez-heck, at least I didn't pardon Ralph Nader." Powerful Democrats have indicated that they are "taking that into consideration."

In a gesture widely seen as reaching out to moderate Dems, George W. Bush said, "If Ralph Nader asked me if he could give me advice about international human trade of commerce and that work for rights movement, I'd say hey, no way, just get out of here with that stuff.' That's why I'm glad that Al Gore had the bipartisan decency to concede to both me and Mr. Nader after my brother voted in Florida and after the Supreme Court countered all the ballots and said, yes, I was the winner all along."