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Suspicious

ETS!,

Your editor's box states "We want and end to...large ugly buildings, and we want it fucking now."

Where were you on 9/11/01?

--L. Darlene Pratt, Berkeley CA

Ed. note: Eating. Why?

On a somewhat related topic, if any of our readers have a functional used paper shredder, preferably large enough to accommodate navigational charts and flight training manuals, we could sure use one at the office. Give us a call.

This Is Funnier

Hi there!

I realize what you're doing [with our April 1 "Embrace the State! cover] but, unfortunately, it's not funny. And that's not a criticism of you; it's just that the faux transformation is so "accurate" it's scary. However, I submit for your possible entertainment the following "news release":

French Intellectuals To Be Deployed In Afghanistan -- To Convince Taliban Of Non-Existence Of God

The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of God.

Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or "Black Berets," will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency, and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else. The philosophers' leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking." Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.

Humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmen's endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area. Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe. Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album out and Oprah Winfrey has not died yet. This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taliban's fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumors that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, "I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die." However, plans to have the giant Christ kick the crap out of a slightly effeminate 80-foot Mohammed in central Kabul were discarded as insensitive to Muslim allies. (forwarded by michael clapper, mikeclapperstudios@earthlink.net)

Kerry Canfield--Portland, OR

Bellingham Crackdown

Geov:

Have you been watching the crackdown in Bellingham? Thirty-seven young people arrested in a single night last spring. The city has been prosecuting all of them -- criminalizing these young people -- for legal demonstrations - ahhh, but on city owned property without permission.

Here the police chief is making a public speech on the young bastards and what he intends to do about it. In the past 12 months, he has arrested 50 or more young people on what many of us adults feel are false charges.

Three people are currently being prosecuted by the city for conspiracy to commit disorderly conduct. Yup, that's right: conspiracy to commit a misdemeanor.

They got a hung jury at their first trial in January and now the Chief is out rallying the local right wing to influence the retrial.

Our Gannett daily, the Bellingham Herald, routinely ignores or distorts its reporting. It is in bed with the local governments.

Here is a chance for a Seattle reporter to do a good story that should have the readership interest of Seattle folks.

--Paul de Armond, Bellingham WA

Another Qwest Victim

ETS! Editors:

I was extremely interested to read Rick Giombetti's piece on Qwest, since I have been doing battle with just that company over one thing or another for almost six months now.

My problems started because I was unlucky enough to be short of cash, so our service was disconnected. There should have been no problem after I paid the bill and the enormous deposit Qwest demanded to restore service, but the story would be over then, wouldn't it?

Not so fast. The imbeciles at Qwest apparently forgot they had demanded this ridiculous deposit. They applied it as a credit on my regular bill. So, the next month, they billed me for $13 and change, having misapplied my deposit. Assuming they knew what they were doing, I paid the bill in full and thought all was good. Again, not so fast. A few weeks later, I receive a threatening letter demanding $160 for my "delinquent" account or my service would again be disconnected.

When I called Qwest, they finally discovered their error. They had caught their misapplication of my deposit as a regular payment sometime earlier, but never notified me. They simply expected me to channel that information, apparently. Didn't I know that I should have paid the deposit plus regular service charges, the customer "service" person asked me? Anyway, they demanded $160, so I made payment arrangements. The very next month, I receive another threat to disconnect. Having met my payment arrangements, this infuriated me. I called again. Those arrangements had expired, I was told. This was news to me, as the customer disservice agent had led me to believe that I would pay a set amount until I was up to date. That's not what it punched in his little computer, I guess. So, a new payment plan had to be set up.

That problem finally settled, a new one cropped up one month later. Qwest provides my internet dial-up service. When I moved in December, I had told them to give me the exact same services at my new address, just across town from the old one. They failed to officially move the Internet service, though. After six weeks of not billing for it, they cancelled the account. Since I had been making regular weekly payments on the plan I had with them, I didn't notice they had stopped billing me.

When I tried to have this corrected, they tried vainly to get me to switch to the more expensive broadband service through MSN. Wanting nothing to do with Microsoft, I refused repeatedly. I was told to expect a disk in the mail in a week to reestablish my dial-up account.

Sure enough, no disk arrived.

Calling back, I learned that the imbecile had ignored me and tried to set up the account as a MSN account. That wouldn't go through, so I still had no service. No worries, though, all they really had to do was reactivate my original dial-up account. This was all I had asked them to do anyway. Twenty-four hours and I'd be in business, I was assured.

When I still couldn't sign on in 24 hours, I called back. I was deliberately hung up on. (I used no profanity, made no personal attacks, did not raise my voice, but my anger at being jacked around was unacceptable, apparently. The next call would have ended the same way, but I threatened to go to the Arizona Corporation Commission, which regulates utilities, and this agent finally found someone to help me.) Once again, I was told the account was being reactivated. This time it took four days, but finally I had my Internet access again.

I can't wait till my cable company offers phone service. And I thought US West was bad...

Frustrated,

--Kim Doss-Cortes, Tucson AZ

Big Words Make His Head Hurt

ETS!,

OK, concise.

Maria Tomchick, shut the hell up.

Neil Wilson, Beacon Hill

G.P. replies: Ever notice how, when conservative guys can't find anything wrong with the facts, they simply resort to name-calling and putdowns? Especially against women?

And Now for the Mideast Letters

Dear Eat the State!:

Today's invasion and siege of Chairman Yasser Arafat in Ramallah will not end acts of terrorism against Israel, despite Secretary of State Colin Powell's statement that the invasion is a consequence of Arafat's failure to control extremists. The end of the Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands, and a political solution that builds on the resolution of the Arab League Summit this week in Beirut, will give hope to the Palestinians, undercut support for terrorism and violence, and lead to a just and viable peace between Israel and the Palestinians.

There is no acceptable rationale for the suicide bombings targeting innocent civilians, and there is no justification for the Bush Administration's unwillingness to speak publicly against Israeli actions that aggravate the situation and promote extremism in both camps.

It is time for the Administration to ensure that our Envoy Anthony Zinni has a clear mandate to pursue initiatives that make both parties responsible for the failure or success of efforts to return to negotiations.

I am disappointed that the Administration ignores the linkage between horrible acts of terrorism and the illegal Israeli occupation and destruction of Palestinian lands and property.

While there was extensive mention of a suicide bombing taking place on the eve of Passover that they are not reporting that Ramallah, with its large Christian population, is being attacked on Good Friday, a day of mourning for Christians worldwide, including the more than 40,000 American citizens from Ramallah.

The President must strengthen the ability of the Palestinian Authority to control extremism by providing a political formula for settling the Israeli-Palestinian conflict by prompting Israel to engage in the negotiations proposed by the Arab League Summit.

The President must remember that Arafat can't act when he is being held hostage in Ramallah and Israel is destroying his government. The U.S. needs to act now to avoid further violence.

Sincerely,

--Frank Kalkattawi, via e-mail

To the editor:

It seems that the only bright spot in the Mideast tragedy is the probability that George Bush won't nuke Bethlehem.

Sharon's merciless assault on the Palestinian people is an outrage. It is Israel's unceasing repression and indignities against Palestinians that have created people desperate enough to resort to suicide bombings. Few U.S. citizens can imagine the hopelessness and despair that would lead a young person to make such a choice. Perhaps only Native Americans or African Americans can look back to the history of genocide against their people to be able to visualize how certain death might seem a necessary choice against unendurable oppression.

The only chance for peace in the Middle East is for Israel to return the Occupied Territories and recognize a sovereign Palestinian state with the right of return for all Palestinian refugees. We in the U.S. can help make this happen by forcing our government to stop funding the carnage. Under no circumstances should U.S. armed forces set foot in Palestine.

--Helen Gilbert, Seattle

ETS!,

Although many people in the U.S. have been propagandized into thinking that Arabs are the enemy of proud American citizens, those of us who understand that Israel is the current equivalent of South Africa, and the 180 degree response of the European Facists of World War II, are completely repulsed by the actions of Israel.

I have always found it amazing, that those of the Jewish faith, who have moved to Israel because of the Holocaust, have had no problem kicking the Palestinians out of their homeland, while at the same time, complaining about their treatment by Germany, Russia, and Italy during the second world war.

I just don't get it.

--Dennis Parkingson, via e-mail