For all our political differences, there are two favorite themes the ever-verbose Tim Eyman likes to warm to that I can't disagree with: what a great thing the initiative process is, and the willingness of Seattle residents to tax ourselves. For years, while the rest of the state turns out in droves to pass Eyman's tax revolt measures, we Seattleites busy ourselves each year by voting ourselves yet another tax hike.

Alas, there's a measure on this month's primary ballot that's going to force me to disagree with Tim on one of these two points. And it's not the one about taxes.

Initiative 77 taxes an item I have absolutely no use for--lattes, which, like coffee of any kind, I consider to be among the most vile concoctions to be found in the natural or unnatural world. And then, the proceeds are slated to be funneled to ever-worthy early childhood education programs, a notion I wholly support. (Is there really an anti-education lobby?) (Don't answer that.)

I-77 should be a no-brainer for my support: painless (to me) tax, worthy cause.

Too bad the two have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

The initiative process is a wonderful thing. Even when it has been used, in our state, primarily to enact enormously destructive anti-tax measures, it's still the voice of the voter, expressing our will on any given issue far more directly than when we vote for one or another candidate for office. Even when initiatives have qualified for the ballot that seem faintly ridiculous, or an effort by big companies to hoodwink voters into giving them what Olympia won't, I've defended the process as quintessentially democratic.

But either I-77 is a great argument against initiatives, or its sponsors have hit upon a bold new strategy for funding essential public needs in a time of tight budgets.

Drinking coffee, even the high-quality shade-grown organic stuff from one or another country you've never heard of, has very, very little to do with teaching young'uns to read. (Pump enough of it into 'em and they'll never read. They won't be able to hold still long enough.) It's not like a coffee surcharge is a sin tax, either, ala booze or cigarettes, or a luxury tax--everyone (except me) seems to drink the stuff. It's not like I-77's sponsors are proposing to tax, say, disposable diapers, which are at least somewhat related to small kids and can be construed as bad for the environment and therefore worth penalizing the purchaser.

I never thought I'd be siding with Starbucks and against The Kids, but unless these Kids are learning to read with a Starbucks menu board, there's a complete disconnect here.

Unless...the disconnect is the whole idea. In which case, I-77 is pure genius. Why mess around with user fees, elaborate justifications, tortured acronyms? (At least this isn't the Collecting Oodles of Funds For Early Education Act of 2003.) Why continue to have to justify as fair, year after year, a system in which ordinary people get soaked and Boeing gets rebates? Why not just take essential services out of the general operating budgets of the city and county altogether, let politicians take care of their friends, and the rest of us can raise the money for society's truly essential services, one at a time, by taxing consumer goods randomly?

Eliminate traffic congestion, crony-filled transit agencies, and contentious funding mechanisms, by building Seattle's long-awaited subway system through a pizza tax! (Veggie pizzas could fund the Green Line.) Instead of closing down parks and libraries, we should impose a modest surcharge on barber shops and beauty salons. Meanwhile, health care costs for the indigent are skyrocketing; we can't afford not to impose a 75 cent per game miniature golf and bowling fee.

Need money for salmon restoration? Tax socket wrenches! Check that, salmon restoration will be expensive--tax socket wrenches, windshield replacements, and TV dinners (six cents each, three cents extra for the salisbury steak entrees). And recliner chairs, if necessary, to deal with cost overruns.

Hey, I'd sign it. I like the idea of salmon in our streams. And salisbury steak dinners are gross. Especially that rock-hard peach cobbler. Let's bring it to a vote.

Come to think of it, maybe this was how Eyman got his start.

It beats actually organizing and backing politicians and community institutions who will support all of peoples' actual needs. That's hard work.