The Safest Vaccine

One year ago, in December 2002, the Littlest Caeser, George Bush stepped up and proudly got his Anthrax vaccination in support of America's troops and to prove to those who would malign America's patriotic private bioweapons labs that the vaccine was safe, safe safe.

Well, maybe it is. Since the Commander in Chief got a dose. Or did he? Since then we've heard Cheney confirm Iraq had nuclear weapons, Colin Powell lie outrageously to the Security Council for about an hour straight, fake statute topplings, fake mobile bioweapons labs, a fake Iraqi government, and a fake triumphant ending to the war as Bush landed majestically on the deck of an aircraft carrier dressed up like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Oh, and the fake turkey.

Is there any reason to suspect that the Bush administration would waste good anthrax vaccine when fake vaccine would work just as well, even better really. Fake experimental anthrax vaccinations donn't come with those nasty potential side effects? Something doesn't add up.

I don't think enough investigative reporting or conspiracy research has been done in this area. Who was the doctor? Where is the paperwork? Isn't giving a potentially risky vaccination to a patient who doesn't need it kind of unethical? Most suspicious of all was the quiet, almost matter of fact way the event was covered in the media, "Oh, by the way, the President got vaccinated with anthrax to prove it was safe and he's feeling fine." If Bush was really getting a shot, wouldn't he be on FOX news in full combat gear down at the army inoculation center?

But who knows, maybe it happened just like the Bush administration says it did. Maybe there really is a chemical weapons factory buried under a hospital somewhere in Iraq.

Saddam's New Job

The news has been bouncing around for a while that the CIA is planning to recruit a bunch of Saddam Hussein's former intelligence officials to help fight the growing anti-occupation insurgency. This should not be in any way equated with the CIA's recruiting Saddam Hussein in the early 1960s to fight Communists and Arab nationalists. But it does bring up the question of why they don't just rehire Saddam to run his own intelligence apparatus? So long as he promises not to build anymore mobil bioweapons labs or flaunt his "reconstituted nuclear weapons" in Dick Cheney's face. He's reachable and seems like the ideal candidate for the job the US has in mind.

Especially in view of the fact that the CIA's handpicked man, so called "Interior Minister" Nouri Badran built his reputation for excellence over the last decade while working with the CIA to incite coups against Saddam. But, you've got to admit, that if some future president needs an ex-CIA operative Iraqi Hitler substitute to defeat, they'll have a lot to work with a name so easily given to sinister pronunciation like "No-yu'r-a Bad-man." Now that's forward thinking intelligence work.

Badran is a member of the Jordan based Iraqi National Accord (INA), an anti-Saddam political organization and rival to the Iraqi National Congress (INC). With the INA backed by the CIA, and the INC backed by the Pentagon, don't expect peace to break out anytime soon.

And when the insurgents have all been rooted out, (yeah, just like that, it's magic) the various intelligence factions of the competing political parties can get to work eliminating each other until one really ruthless character bludgeons his rivals into submission. And there'll finally be stability in Iraq. At last.

An unnamed former intelligence officer commenting on these developments said, perhaps a little too candidly, "Intelligence services are the heart and soul of a new country,"

The CIA says it is confident of being able to screen out unsavory or disloyal applicants. And they are confident because, as one of those ever present but unnamed intelligence officials put it, "The intelligence community doesn't understand what's going on in Iraq." But Saddam Hussein does. He'd know who to hire in a minute. The CIA really knew what they were doing back in those old cold war days when they first picked him out.

But the CIA's strategy of hiring former Baathist torturers may be more clever than it first appears. Like one of those stings by local police departments where they rent a building and call a list of people who have warrants for not paying their traffic tickets and tell them they've won a prize, or there's job openings, and then when folks come down to claim their prize, "surprise!"

The CIA has reportedly been flying in lie detectors and poring over Saddam's intelligence agency files on its own agents (I'm telling you, the guy is a natural), to get ready for the candidate interviews.

It will certainly be an interesting interview experience for the job applicants. "We can't hire everybody of course, but even if you don't make the cut, we'll give you a reference for our War Crimes Tribunal division. They still have lots of openings in the Defendants Department."

To make sure its own forces are ready for the post occupation period, the Pentagon is forming a homegrown force of warlords and militiamen aligned with various political parties. These groups will work with Special Forces to form hunter killer squads to find and assassinate anti-occupation insurgents.

The US got this idea, among others, from the Israeli military, who have repeatedly demonstrated their expertise in safely and sensibly managing an occupation situation. Pretty soon there'll be a wall, the oil fields and US occupation troops on one side, the rest of Iraq on the other, with US forces emerging periodically to demolish some houses and shoot things up.

And by extending the wall in Iraq along the Jordanian/Syrian border to connect with the wall in Palestine, Syria too would be largely contained. Then simply extending it eastward in a carefully planned sort of writhing snake pattern (Topological Warfare Specialists are secretly designing it now), it could be connected with the Great Wall of China, and the Bush Administration would not only control the Middle East and Central Asian oil fields, but in partnership with Beijing and Disney, could promote the whole thing as a tourist attraction.