You Can't Eat Faith

In late January, Karl Rove took time out from prepping the President for his fateful encounter with Tim Russert to journey to Charlotte, North Carolina for a soiree at the palatial estate of Ken Thompson, CEO of Wachovia National Bank. Thompson is an old friend of Rove and Bush's and is the top corporate evangelist for the administration's Faith-Based Initiatives.

When we said Thompson's house is palatial, we meant it: 24 rooms, plus 13 bathrooms. He needed all that space for this event, where 75 of the richest families in the Tar Heel State mustered to hear Rove. The Machiavelli of Mayberry, as former Bush staffer John DiIulio called him, bragged about clipping Dean's wings and made a couple of jokes about North Carolina's John Edwards. Here's a sample of Rovian humor: "Why is it dangerous for Edwards to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?" Rove asked. "Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer." It's an old joke and a bad one, but Rove knows his audience. Thus warmed up, Rove drove right to the point. It seems that the Bush campaign warchest, now stockpiled with $135 million, still has room to grow. Even though Bush is running unopposed in the North Carolina primary, Rove implored the assembled fat cats to commit to ponying up $50,000 apiece for the primary campaign, for a grand total of $3.75 million.

This beefy request elicited barely a murmur from the crowd. After all, they'd been there for Bush before. The same roster of bankers and insurance tycoons who now rule North Carolina had just chipped in $1.1 million at a Bush fundraiser in Winston-Salem in November.

Thompson, who has spent the night at the White House on two occasions, did ask Rove for a small favor in return. He said it would be a much more attractive proposition if the donors could have the opportunity to give Bush the checks in a face-to-face meeting. He reminded the president's political Svengali that North Carolina was "NASCAR country," the impermeable bedrock of the Bush fanatics. Rove grinned and said, "You name the place, I'll bring the president."

Ken Thompson's estate is big, but not vast enough to host the kind of event he had in mind. So he rented the Charlotte Convention Center and sent out invitations to 2,000 of his dearest friends. For only $2,500 a plate, Thompson's invite noted, the diners would have a once-in-a-campaign season chance to sup with President Bush. The event, which was held on February 26, sold out faster than a Dixie Chicks concert.

While the Bush Rangers--people who have bundled more than $200,000 in campaign contributions for Bush--feasted with the President, a rambunctious group of protesters, organized by Democracy North Carolina, held signs reading "White House for Sale" and chanted at the parade of limousines as they pulled into and away from the convention centers.

Bush was in and out of North Carolina in two hours. He huddled with the executives and took their money but had nothing to say to the workers of the state, who have been pulverized by the Bush economy. Since Bush was selected president, North Carolina has lost more than 125,000 manufacturing jobs.

The protesters outside the convention hall were also collecting canned food for the state's burgeoning ranks of the poor and the hungry. In North Carolina, 419,000 children live in poverty. One out of every five kids goes to sleep hungry.

"You can't eat faith," says Adam Sotak, the lead organizer for Democracy North Carolina.

A Constitutional Amendment on Marriage

Here are some interesting thoughts based on our Commander-in-Chief's recent statement that marriage "must remain in its time-honored form, the form it has taken throughout all of human history."

Also, since the Presidential Prayer Team (yes, we really do have one!) is currently urging us to: "Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by all Americans," let's keep marriage in its biblical form.

For example, this would be a truly Biblically-based, suitably abhorrent, Constitutional Amendment:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen. 29:16-28; II Sam. 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam. 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron. 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut. 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen. 24:3; Num. 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh. 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut. 22:19; Mark 10:9--Jesus was very clear on this one.)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe, and be otherwise punished in a manner determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut. 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen. 19:31-36)

Let's pray that these goals will keep John Ashcroft busy with his bible and law books and out of our bedrooms.

P.S. Don't you just have to love Al Sharpton's quick way with a one-liner? "The big question isn't about who you go to bed with, it's about whether or not you have a job when you get up in the morning."