From the Get-Your-Ass-Outta-Here Dept.: Another classic Bushism has been added to the president's (dys)lexicon. After calling Amnesty International's criticisms of America's treatment of detainees "absurd," Bush dismissed all allegations of abuse from former detainees. The claims, he said, came from "people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble--that means not tell the truth." Actually, George, "disassemble" is what you do with your Lego models when you're done with them. The word for making false claims--which Bush has considerable expertise in--is "dissemble." The president put an "ass" where it didn't belong. Which explains his cabinet. And his foreign policy. And his own presence in the White House.--Lansing Scott

All fear: John Ashcroft is still here.

Your favorite fundamentalist, John Ashcroft, isn't taking retirement sitting down. Ashcroft has found other forms of employment, as a Professor and Lobbyist. This could be scarier than his tenure as Attorney General.

Last month, Mr. Ashcroft became professor at Pat Robertson's Regents University, teaching a course entitled "Leadership in Times of Crisis." The summer course of that class will be taught by Jay Sekulow (the head of American Center For Law and Justice). Professor Sekulow, who is also part of the school's board of trustees, commented that "This is a great benefit for the school. What better way to teach national security law than to have the man who handled 9/11?"

Ashcroft's other newfound profession is starting his own lobbying firm, Ashcroft Group LLC. Former Missouri senator and governor, David Ayres, along with Juleanna Glover, a former aide to Dick Cheney, will be part of Ashcroft's team. The firm's goal is to provide "strategic consulting, security, and internal investigative services, and crisis counseling" to corporations, political coalitions, and trade associations. With the Bible-thumping fascists controlling everything from the presidency down, and with Ashcroft being a hero to them all, he may be with us for a while.--Kendall Bull

Who are the enemies lurking in the shadows, willing and ready to take all you hold dear and true? According to the Human Resources Director for Securitas (a security company that holds the contract for Terminal 5 in Seattle), it's none other than the Sierra Club and PETA.

She told all of us (about 15 security guards at a class on improving security and anti-terrorism) that "When you write checks to the Sierra Club or PETA, you're funding the ELF and eco-terrorism." And she went on to tell us: "We need to keep a close eye on people with 'Save Mother Earth' stickers on their cars, tie-dye t-shirts, and people with dreadlocks." She then went on to say with delight that "the unions opposing this will lose out" (in particular, the one she was subtly targeting: the I.L.W.U.).

Securitas is a European based security company, which bought out Burns Security and Pinkerton Security (whom history has shown is no friend of organized labor), to be one of the biggest security firms in the world. At the end of this meeting I went up and talked to her. I had my ACLU button on , and told her I was a member. She quickly quipped, "the ACLU could attach a pedophile to its hip." She went on to tell me that the laws are "fluid" to her--this meant that she could steam-roll over our civil liberties. She seemed to love the fact that things would never go back to the way they were before 9-11. The sheer audacity and disdain for privacy and civil liberties was amazing. Watch out for who's watching you. --K.B.

Picnic with Eat the State! With summer approaching, we said, "Let's have a picnic!" In our hyper-decentralized operation, many of our volunteers have never met, so it's an opportunity for us to get together and also to meet with interested ETS! readers. It's pretty much a bring-your-own-everything potluck affair, so bring any food, snacks, and beverages you want, as well as cups, plates, and utensils. We'll be gathering at Gas Works Park this Saturday, June 11, between 2-5 p.m. We don't have a table reserved, so bring blankets to sit on. We'll be near the main shelter (or under the shelter in case of rain), and we'll have a sign up so you can find us. We'll also have ETS! t-shirts for sale at shipping-and-handling-free discount prices. Since we're in the midst of our fundraising drive, if you want to bring a donation for our fundraising crockpot, that would be welcome, but no donation is required. Just come as you are and meet the folks who bring you this newspaper every two weeks.--L.S.