TUESDAY, APRIL 1

through April 5. His High Holiness The Flying Spaghetti Monster visits Seattle in a journey of peace, healing, and pasta. April 1, 1 PM: His noodly appendages give benediction at Qwest Field. April 2 & 3: The FSM visits orphanages and heals sick children. April 4: Interfaith Pastafarian Conference at Bank of America Arena. April 5: In an act of grace, The FSM turns all of Puget Sound into a rich, tomato-based sauce. Info: http://www.venganza.org.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2

7 PM. Discussion: King's Last Fight: Civil Rights, Labor, and the Poor People’s Campaign. In the last year of his life, King spoke, fought, and organized for the billions of dollars needed to solve the economic problems of African Americans. It was this orientation that brought him to Memphis, where he was assassinated on April 4, 1968. Join us for a discussion of this important chapter of King's life and the lessons we can draw for today's struggles. Sponsored by the International Socialist Organization; Room 4156, Seattle Central Community College, Broadway & Pine St., Seattle. Info: 206-931-2922; isoseattle@gmail.com. ***

7 PM. Author and antiwar activist Mike Palecek hits the road this spring with two new books: Iowa Terror' and Cost of Freedom: The Anthology of Peace and Activism Info: Teri, 206-325-7415; rbsea@yahoo.com. ***

THURSDAY, APRIL 3

5-6:45 PM. Tweak the State! Dinner. Menu: Sauteed political platforms, fried dogmas, sides of platitude salads and shredded consciences. McBurger Queen, 23 Skid Road. Info: Pepto@bysmal.gov.

7 PM. TTS! monthly business meeting. Business meeting to talk about gossip, the state of the world, and TTS! content, fundraising, and, well, business. All are welcome. Univ. Baptist Church, 4554 12th Ave. NE in the U-District, 3rd floor. ***

FRIDAY, APRIL 4

through April 10. Start of “Hate Week.” This observance serves to recognize the day on which the fictional character Winston Smith started his secret diary by writing the words “DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER” on April 4, 1984. From George Orwell’s dystopian novel, 1984, portraying the end of human privacy and the destruction of the individual in a totalitarian state (published in 1949). Waitaminnit, this is fiction?!

7-9:30 PM. Film: “Exit--The Right To Die.” This documentary focuses on a Swiss organization helping the terminally ill prepare themselves for assisted suicide. More than 20 years ago, Switzerland became the only nation to legalize assisted suicide. Free of the controversy typically informing euthanasia elsewhere, the filmmaker concentrates on the complex human interactions surrounding the administration of death. Sponsored by Wallingford Neighbors for Peace and Justice, the event is free and open to the public. Donations kindly accepted. Keystone Church, 5019 Keystone Pl. N, Seattle. Info: wnfp@meaningfulmovies.org. ***

SATURDAY, APRIL 5

Now & Forever. Festival of Progress. More! MORE & MORE!! Celebrate growth, in all its glorious manifestations! Music by DJ Cancer Cell. Red Sun Tavern, 6789th St. SE, Seattle. Info: unclesam@kapitalizm.com.

SUNDAY, APRIL 6

Anniversary North Pole Discovery. Robert Peary first reached the North Pole on this day in 1909. Plans are being made to recreate his harrowing trip over the freezing ice with a family-friendly stroll over the now sultry tundra, including a side trip to the last polar bear (skeleton)--don’t forget your sunscreen! Info: hell@hot.com.

MONDAY, APRIL 7

Billie Holiday’s birthday! God Bless the Child. The incomparable Lady Day was born on this day in 1915. Go ahead and play her music all day long, we dares ya!

7:30 PM. Cindy and Craig Corrie present the journals of Rachel Corrie. Olympia native Rachel Corrie traveled to the Gaza Strip in 2003. As a participant in non-violent demonstrations in Rafah protesting the plight of the Palestinian people, she was killed by an Israeli bulldozer. Let Me Stand Alone is a collection of her writings--from early childhood to the emails sent to her family from Palestine. Her parents speak about their daughter and what she had to say about all sides of the difficult Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Tickets: $5 at the door only. Town Hall, 1119 8th Ave. and Seneca St., Seattle. Info: Susie Tennant; 206-652-4255 x15; susie@townhallseattle.org. ***

TUESDAY, APRIL 8

Birthday of the Buddha. They just don’t make ‘em like they used to.

4:30-6:30 PM. Puget Sound Regional Planning Meeting. We will meet where all the cars are: stuck in gridlock on I-5. Satellite meeting scheduled for the Renton S-curves. See you there! Agenda items include: Light Rail and Lite Beer. BYORR (Bring Your Own Road Rage). Sponsored by the Seattle Metro Puget Sound Northwest Regional Adjunct Planning Preliminary Meeting Trial Transportation Commission Organizational Group Team, (acronym impossible!)

BUSHDAY, APRIL 9

Tonight at Noon. War Vigil. No one’s peace vigils seem to have accomplished much, so today we’re hosting a vigil for the winning side: all war, all the time! Sponsored by the SDS (Spineless Democrats Society). North Westlake Plaza. Info: hawk@testosterone.com.

7 PM. Film: "Why We Bite." Documentary filmmakers follow the editors of small alternative publication Tweak the State! as they wrestle in real time with logistical and moral publication dilemmas. Times Roman or Sans-Serif? Three Tom Tomorrow cartoons this issue, or four? And what to do about co-editor Geov Parrish's steadily worsening crack addiction? 8 mins. Free, open to public. Theatre of the Mind, 44th St. NE in the U-District. Info: 1-800-711-6375.

THURSDAY, APRIL 10

9 AM-5 PM. Public Apology by Local Sports Mascots. The Sonics’ Squatch, Mariner Moose, Blitz the Seahawk, and assorted Husky Dogs and Cougar Cats make a solemn public apology to all their fans for their teams’ mostly dismal performances over the past few years. But they also want to know: does it really matter? Aren’t there more important things to be worried about these days? Oh, and they also would like some new stadiums, please! Simultaneously at Key Arena, Qwest, and Safeco Fields. Info: Fan@getalife.com.

7 PM. Discovery Institute monthly meeting. Come join us as we once again drink beer, smoke crack, and read the Bible as a pathway to divine ideological inspiration. This magical combination revealed the theory of Intelligent Design to us--what will we think of this month? Our special guest, Geov Parrish, will testify how smoking crack revealed to him how and why atheism sucks and Christianity rocks! Free beer, crack, and divine inspiration! Discovery Institute, 208 Columbia St., Seattle. Info: 206-292-0401; http://www.discovery.org.

FRIDAY, APRIL 11

Through April 15. Major Event: His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Reverend Dr. Desmond Tutu. Seeds of Compassion is honored to welcome His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama to Seattle to participate in dialogue with leading educators, researchers, and policy makers during this five-day event at Qwest Field and Key Arena. Info: sign up on our webpage to receive automatic updates as more events and speakers are announced: http://www.seedsofcompassion.org/event/scheduleAud.asp. ***

7-11 PM. Lecture: I Don’t Believe in Christopher Hedges. The Lord Almighty Him(?)self makes a rare appearance to argue against recent commentators who have both been defending AND attacking God. Tickets available through Ticketmistress; proceeds to benefit the One and Only Beneficent Mother Earth Church of Inimitable Truth, Justice, and the Universal Way. City Hall Seattle, 2300 3rd Ave., upstairs, enter on Seneca St., take a U-turn on Jefferson, cut through 4th and 7th Ave. SW, backtrack behind Bell and Lenora, and then ask someone, “Where the heck am I?” City Hall members can receive vouchers for the movie playing next door instead. Info: www.cityhallseattle.org.

SATURDAY, APRIL 12

Walk on Your Wild Side Day. Time’s wasting, friends. It’s high time you went out and did some things no one expects you to do. Be unpredictable for once. Go to work dressed like a gorilla--get a master’s degree--do something “they” said you’d never do. Info: www.wellcat.com/holiday.html.

SUNDAY, APRIL 13

7 PM. Film: "American Idle." Follow four unemployed union workers as they spend all day watching TV, then go out in the evenings to attend free screenings of obscure activist documentaries. Discussion with filmmakers to follow. First United Lutheran Church, on Roosevelt Way NE between 12th Ave. & Brooklyn Ave. in the U-District. Info: http://www.sittingaroundthemovie.com.

TUESDAY, APRIL 15

National Income Tax Deadline. Why not just blow it off…?!

7:30 PM. Washington Physicians for Social Responsibility presents: Carbon-Free and Nuclear-Free, A Roadmap for US Energy Policy. Arjun Makhijani, PhD is founder and president of the Institute for Energy and Environmental Research. Dr. Makhijani’s book is an analysis of a transition to a US economy based completely on renewable energy. Free. Downstairs at Town Hall, 1119 8th Ave. and Seneca St., (enter on Seneca), Seattle. Info: 206-547-2630; idill@wpsr.org or http://www.wpsr.org. ***

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 16

National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day. Bring the comforts of home to the office for at least one day! Info: 1-800-GIVE PJS or www.PajamaGram.com.

Noon. Local non-protest kickoff for International Inaction Week. April is Global Inaction Month, come join the inertia! Westlake Park, 4th & Pine St., downtown Seattle. Sponsored by The World Doesn't Care--Tune Out the Bush Regime! Info: http://www.whatever.

THURSDAY, APRIL 17

7 PM. College Anarchists of the University of Washington monthly meeting. Come join us as we plot to fulfill our fantasy of total global political, economic, and environmental collapse by going deep, deep underground in the Republican Party, conspiring to steal the next presidential election, giving away the national treasury to all our rich CEO friends, and rewriting the Constitution to insure the continued survival of the fossil fuel industry into the next millennium--all the better to honor our fearless leader, John Zernan. Free pop and pizza! UW Husky Union Building, Room 444, Seattle. Info: destroy@u.washington.edu.

FRIDAY, APRIL 18

Midnight. The End of Everything as We Know It. The fit really hits the shan! All hell breaks loose. Put your head between your legs and kiss your keister goodbye. There won't be nuthin' left. Everywhere. Info: Beelzelbub.com.

SATURDAY, APRIL 19

Dawn. First Annual Post-Apocalyptic Gathering. Everyone invited! (If anyone’s left). Please join us (or me, anyway)! Info: TBA.

Looking ahead:

WEDNESDAY, SCHLEPTEMBER 3

All day. Firearms fiesta! Shoot ‘em up with all your freedom-fighting, gun-loving fellow patriots! Special appearance by the ghost of Jesse James. Charlton Heston Stadium, 23 Rifle Dr. Info: texritter@neo.con.

*** A real, local event worth checking out!