Usually the TTS! Kitchen Crew monopolizes uses this space to inform the readership of items and/or skills necessary to keep TTS! a “vital community resource”--an infusion of funds, website, distribution, and advertising assistance are typical pleas--and also to offer gratitude for met requests. This issue, the Kitchen Crew are tied, gagged, and propped against their beloved crockpot so the Bathroom Gang can finally have a say, and y’know, we’d like some things too! Fill our bathtub with gift cards to big box stores, countless pairs of impractical shoes, and shiny, shiny tech gadgets we can rip from their excessive packaging, use once, then abandon to the dust-bunny hordes behind the sink. We also love hair gel. And all the corrupt politicians, corporate plundering, and other gross injustices the Kitchen Crew seem so concerned about? Trivial. As long as we can gas up our SUVs and drive to the mall whenever we want, America seems safe enough to us. In fact, we suggest you forget TTS! altogether and start reading Maxim and Cosmo instead--you’ll be glad you did. Viva unregulated commerce! We can always find another planet to call home.